Who am I? What do I like? What am I afraid of? What makes my heart sing? What makes me scared? What makes me feel free? What am I running away from?
I remember, it must have been around the age of 10, when I became awake. I remember vividly how I just felt one morning that I can think, now I know that was the ego becoming aware of itself. It felt good I remember. It felt like a rush of energy and excitement, “hey, I’m able to think and use my mind, I’m not asleep anymore. World – I arrived”. I remember I felt so in-control, I could navigate the conversation, I could ask questions, I could be in charge of what was going on, I could think what will happen in the future and what have happened in the past. I was excited to ditch boring and passive present moment. Oh, how optimistic and wrong I was.
Today, 20 years later, I think of that moment and I feel played. I fell into the trap. Is that the “adult trap” people are referring to? Is the ego a result of being trapped? Trapped in our thoughts, beliefs, past and future, stories? Thinking back, It feels like a burden, like a heavy weight that we are all carrying around not knowing it’s there. As it became a part of our body, the added weight.
In these writings here – I’ll do my best to uncover ins and outs of my ego, of the world and my perception of it, of my thoughts, thinking, hopes, fears, wants, needs, desires, traumas. Everything that comes to my mind will get translated here. Purpose of this blog is to create this container for me to explore what it is to be me, and to build myself up spiritually, and emotionally, and mentally, and physically too. I’ll be using this space to whatever I feel called to, no rules. This will be my door to the world. And the world is welcome to watch as I’m uncovering things finding my truth.
Love,
Nidjo & Nikola
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