I was turning 30 in just 4 days, and I still had the smile I hated; smile I was hiding away every time someone would snap a photo of me. It’s not an easy task to hide a smile when I would get so excited or being over the moon. Every time a thought (or an image) of my teeth would come to my mind I would get less happier, and the initial reason for my happiness would become less worthy. That’s who I was, that’s how I moved through the world for the majority of my life.
Few years ago I heard of the term gummy smile. Before that I just thought that I have an ugly teeth and smile. When I would smile you could only see my gums, and only the top third of my teeth. Like that wasn’t enough, they were (past tense) also overcrowded. Add to that few comments and jokes I received when I was a young adult and you have a perfect recipe for someone to become extremely unhappy and bothered by their smile.
I would catch myself, many many times in the past, suppressing my smile, and thus my joy, just for the sake of hiding my ugly side. I became self-conscious about it to the point that I wouldn’t participate in taking photos. I was my own biggest critic and rejector. Looking back, I can see how I was so darn cruel and superficial, I didn’t approve of myself nor my honest smile. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I wished I was someone else, someone better. Who needs an enemy when you are the one having these hostile thoughts about yourself.
It was 11PM on a Sunday night, 4 days before my 30th birthday. I thought to myself “you are failing, you will step into your fourth decade of life and you still didn’t fix that ugly smile”. I was in a place in life where I could afford braces, financially and time-wise, so I started googling. To my biggest surprise, 2 days later I left the best orthodontist’s office with my brand new braces. I was in disbelief. What now? Who am I now? How will I smile now in the photos? How will I eat the coffee crumble cake I made to celebrate my birthday?
After the initial pain in the first few days, I was left with braces in my mouth and a massive confidence boost. My teeth didn’t move one bit and yet, I was smiling bigger and brighter than ever. This new Nikola was lighter, funnier, open, free to express, I could laugh and smile and be unapologetically myself (free while being braced).
As I’ve said, only recently I’ve heard about the term gummy smile. I felt such a relief just by realizing there is a legit and recognized term for my condition. “Wait, that means other people have it too, I’m not the only one. No way“! I started googling it and soon I realized there are many different procedures and treatments that can help. I started with the most simple one – botox. It works like magic!
Today, as I’m writing this post – I’m sitting in Starbucks after my next to last orthodontist visit. It’s been 20 months since that Sunday night before my thirtieth birthday. The willingness and freedom to smile, laugh and show my pearls are through the roof. And this whole post could feel so trivial and superficial, like another Cosmopolitan beauty tips article, and that’s fine! – To me, this post is about overcoming negative self talk and achieving something that has been awaited for many many years.
With love and smiles, Nikola and Nidjo
P.S. Imagine what the major effect taking off braces will have on me, if just having them on deserved this post. 😀
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